We have arrived here at the Relationship Survivalist Kit yet again to talk about another topic I feel is imperative to discuss before we shoot into even smaller but critical components about self and relationships. On today's menu is Respect.
Respect = Knowing Yourself
There are a few definitions of respect people these days walk around with, and you might find that people define respect as understanding that you are a human with boundaries, wants, likes, and dislikes and they treat you according to those things... Or they define respect the other way around like you are someone that exists only to serve them and their needs, wants, likes, and dislikes. The latter will be quick and sure to let you know these things often.
Many of you already know what it's like to be on the receiving end of someone who thinks the world revolves around them. They act like anything you do outside of what they want is disrespect. It's a slow but sure attempt to box you in. We already know that in "Scissors", if people cause you to disrespect yourself, you cut these people off. The only difference is, self-respect and self love is designed to be reflexive, not defensive. You can't weaponize it. That means that the reaction of a person with self-respect and self love is not retaliatory. There is no backlash, there's just response.
You will hear about respect when people want you to "show some respect". In translation it's a demand to "act like you understand the value" of a thing, whether they are talking to you about you, themselves or someone else.
Some will even talk about respect as though it means that you need to shut up, listen, and refuse to think. They will act as though asking questions and withholding trust from them for valid reasons is betrayal. They will have no true grasp of respect. They are the kind you need to know yourself for, so that when they try to manipulate you and try to make you into someone you're not, it won't affect you as much because you know who you are. Coincidentally, when they do that, it will teach you who that person is.
Knowing yourself protects you from those who prey on lack of self confidence and knowledge of self. The cool thing about respecting yourself is that you'll be less confused about those that don't respect you.
At its core, respect is all about value, honor, admiration, regard, and esteem. It's about knowing who someone is. It's about knowing who you are, regardless of the controlling, oppressive way others try to use this word on you.
There are huge benefits to respecting and knowing yourself. You will move with conviction, strength, and a certainty when you go to accomplish goals. You will be able to interact with people in a way that is comfortable for you. You will know better what you like and don't like, but more importantly, you will be able to say "no".
The Power of "No"
Respect, Value, Goal
That might be an obvious thing to many but...
The only reason why this is even needed to be said is because internally, people either batter themselves with burdens but treat everyone else better than themselves, or batter everyone else with burdens but treat themselves better than everyone else. Either insecurity or narcissism, naïveté or pride. For those people who have extreme versions of the two, you'll want to find yourself in a neater balance in between, because embellished pride will refuse you true friends, and loud insecurities punish the honest and well-intentioned around you.
You need to get to a place in your head where your happiness is priority, and not by a means of malice and disregard for others, but because of the need to respect yourself enough to make sure you are well, that if you're not happy, you won't be able to respond to others the way you need or want to. This means that you should be able to say "no" when you are uncomfortable, presented with that which is unwanted, irritable, angry, unprepared... etc. Sexual happiness is not what "happiness is priority" means.
Considering your well being, there are a few dangerous thoughts you can have that can harm the respect you want to have for yourself. Here is one: Wanting the temporary to be permanent and wanting what we know that is permanent to be temporary.
This conscious or subconscious thought in our respective lives is an example of a lack of both self respect and understanding, especially when you consider where you're trying to go in life. That's an avoidance of reality and does more harm than good to yourself as well as people around you.
What that does is make you desperate and cling to what doesn't last and make you resent those that fail you in your attempts to live and relive those temporary highs. It also makes you bitter and depraved for what you know will never go away since what is permanent will inconvenience you time and time again. That kind of goal in itself will drive you crazy.
Respect = Knowing Yourself
There are a few definitions of respect people these days walk around with, and you might find that people define respect as understanding that you are a human with boundaries, wants, likes, and dislikes and they treat you according to those things... Or they define respect the other way around like you are someone that exists only to serve them and their needs, wants, likes, and dislikes. The latter will be quick and sure to let you know these things often.
Many of you already know what it's like to be on the receiving end of someone who thinks the world revolves around them. They act like anything you do outside of what they want is disrespect. It's a slow but sure attempt to box you in. We already know that in "Scissors", if people cause you to disrespect yourself, you cut these people off. The only difference is, self-respect and self love is designed to be reflexive, not defensive. You can't weaponize it. That means that the reaction of a person with self-respect and self love is not retaliatory. There is no backlash, there's just response.
You will hear about respect when people want you to "show some respect". In translation it's a demand to "act like you understand the value" of a thing, whether they are talking to you about you, themselves or someone else.
Some will even talk about respect as though it means that you need to shut up, listen, and refuse to think. They will act as though asking questions and withholding trust from them for valid reasons is betrayal. They will have no true grasp of respect. They are the kind you need to know yourself for, so that when they try to manipulate you and try to make you into someone you're not, it won't affect you as much because you know who you are. Coincidentally, when they do that, it will teach you who that person is.
Knowing yourself protects you from those who prey on lack of self confidence and knowledge of self. The cool thing about respecting yourself is that you'll be less confused about those that don't respect you.
At its core, respect is all about value, honor, admiration, regard, and esteem. It's about knowing who someone is. It's about knowing who you are, regardless of the controlling, oppressive way others try to use this word on you.
There are huge benefits to respecting and knowing yourself. You will move with conviction, strength, and a certainty when you go to accomplish goals. You will be able to interact with people in a way that is comfortable for you. You will know better what you like and don't like, but more importantly, you will be able to say "no".
The Power of "No"
Essentially, we all are hollow bodies to each other when we don't know one another, like police drawing lines where the bodies would be at a crime scene. As you encounter someone and begin to learn them, detailed lines slowly start to flesh out the form of who they are: what you both like and dislike, are attracted to, what habits you both might have.
As time goes on, there will be moments where you need to show someone that you respect yourself, that you have boundaries and this is highly important.
This is highly important because it is when you draw boundaries and respect (keep, maintain, value) them as well that you become "real", both to yourself and others. That's how you show someone you respect yourself.
This is what divides people who are focused and people who drift. People that date anything that stands on two feet and looks pretty, and people that date others who have a basic understanding of courtesy, awareness and the like.
This is what divides people who are focused and people who drift. People that date anything that stands on two feet and looks pretty, and people that date others who have a basic understanding of courtesy, awareness and the like.
You have to have some semblance of an idea, a particular focus, of what you want in life as far as passions, partners, goals, achievements, and be willing- but not necessarily able- to say yes to it. That's for two reasons:
1) you should want to keep yourself open to the possibility of what you want even if you don't know its exact angle and where it is coming from, and
By allowing yourself to say "no", you reinforce the idea that you are real enough to deny experiences you don't want to have.
2) it makes saying "no" easier.
If a person or an opportunity comes into your life and it contradicts what you want more than it satisfies, you would want to say no. It's better to pass by a romantic/business opportunity that does not suit you rather than suffer and regret having wasted your time.
Here is the real focus though.
You have to understand just how vital a "no" is.
You have to understand just how vital a "no" is.
By allowing yourself to say "no", you reinforce the idea that you are real enough to deny experiences you don't want to have.
In other words, when you say "no" or "I don't like that" you are telling yourself things like
"I am here"
"I am here"
"I exist"
"I am real"
"I am a person with choice and preference"
And there is nothing better than being able to look people in their eye and tell them exactly who you are through your "yes" and "no". There is nothing better than someone asking you questions about you and you being able to tell them those answers...
There is nothing better than you knowing yourself.
Respect, Value, Goal
You might already be able to assume that respect is the kind of thing that comes with time, and this is true. However, if you keep an eye out for what happens in your life and learn quickly from it, and also take notes from the things other people tell you and apply it, it would serve you greatly and speed up your learning curve.
If you have the ability to treat others with respect and love by knowing what people don't want and not doing it, by knowing what they like and giving it to them, by seeing their mistakes and forgiving them, then by all means self-love and self-respect is exactly that, just given to your own self.
That might be an obvious thing to many but...
The only reason why this is even needed to be said is because internally, people either batter themselves with burdens but treat everyone else better than themselves, or batter everyone else with burdens but treat themselves better than everyone else. Either insecurity or narcissism, naïveté or pride. For those people who have extreme versions of the two, you'll want to find yourself in a neater balance in between, because embellished pride will refuse you true friends, and loud insecurities punish the honest and well-intentioned around you.
Once you can find a better balance between those two, or at least a less biased perspective of yourself and the people around you, you allow yourself to have a better view of the relationship you have with someone else.
When you look at a relationship through a lens that focuses more on others because of pride, or more on yourself because of insecurities, you miss out on a special key which are the ingredients to making a relationship look good:
When you look at a relationship through a lens that focuses more on others because of pride, or more on yourself because of insecurities, you miss out on a special key which are the ingredients to making a relationship look good:
You AND them.
Not you and you, or them and them.
You need to get to a place in your head where your happiness is priority, and not by a means of malice and disregard for others, but because of the need to respect yourself enough to make sure you are well, that if you're not happy, you won't be able to respond to others the way you need or want to. This means that you should be able to say "no" when you are uncomfortable, presented with that which is unwanted, irritable, angry, unprepared... etc. Sexual happiness is not what "happiness is priority" means.
Have your mind in a high enough place that causes good things to happen around you and to other people as a consequence of that mentality, and not merely because you intended to treat any specific person well.
So do you know who you are? Do you know what you will invite and say "yes" to, or deny and say "no" to? Because if you don't, you are leaving yourself in a very vulnerable state, and people can put you in places that can harm you much more often without any true concern for your well-being.Considering your well being, there are a few dangerous thoughts you can have that can harm the respect you want to have for yourself. Here is one: Wanting the temporary to be permanent and wanting what we know that is permanent to be temporary.
This conscious or subconscious thought in our respective lives is an example of a lack of both self respect and understanding, especially when you consider where you're trying to go in life. That's an avoidance of reality and does more harm than good to yourself as well as people around you.
What that does is make you desperate and cling to what doesn't last and make you resent those that fail you in your attempts to live and relive those temporary highs. It also makes you bitter and depraved for what you know will never go away since what is permanent will inconvenience you time and time again. That kind of goal in itself will drive you crazy.
Know the kind of people you want in your life.
Know the kind of experiences you want to have.
Know the kind of love you want to experience.
If you can do that, your "yes" and "no" will define your values and bolster the strength of your goal no matter the direction, because values are nothing without the goal. If you have respect for your values, your goal will matter. There will be more on this topic in a future blog.
To wrap this up, respect is knowledge of yourself, of your value (what you have to give), and the attitude that comes with knowing those things. If you respect yourself, you will act like you understand your value and will guard and guide yourself. If you respect others, you will act like you understand that other people have value, and will guard and guide yourself accordingly.
You are not a transformer, and there is no need to become one. Respecting yourself is part of the path of a trailblazer and sometimes it is a very lonely road. Those without respect might suggest that you think you're above them, might envy you, might try to chip away at your foundation slowly, or attempt to turn you into someone you're not. Be wary and protect yourself the best you can here, not many people can be saved while they hold that kind of mindset against you.
Respect also comes with the power of "no" and encourages the shaping of your values based on what is refused and accepted. Being able to say "no" is so essential to respect, that this entire post wouldn't really hold much salt if it wasn't mentioned. Learn to say no with intention and direction.
Learn to say "no" with a reasoning of "why" (and no, you don't have to explain why, just know it).
That's all for today friends, but there is still more to come. :)
As for what was written before... "There are Levels to This"
Link to my world:
**You can find me on Facebook as Isaiah Dunkley (Veaire). I am an artist as well as friendly blogger. Feel free to find me and send messages on your thoughts.
To wrap this up, respect is knowledge of yourself, of your value (what you have to give), and the attitude that comes with knowing those things. If you respect yourself, you will act like you understand your value and will guard and guide yourself. If you respect others, you will act like you understand that other people have value, and will guard and guide yourself accordingly.
You are not a transformer, and there is no need to become one. Respecting yourself is part of the path of a trailblazer and sometimes it is a very lonely road. Those without respect might suggest that you think you're above them, might envy you, might try to chip away at your foundation slowly, or attempt to turn you into someone you're not. Be wary and protect yourself the best you can here, not many people can be saved while they hold that kind of mindset against you.
Respect also comes with the power of "no" and encourages the shaping of your values based on what is refused and accepted. Being able to say "no" is so essential to respect, that this entire post wouldn't really hold much salt if it wasn't mentioned. Learn to say no with intention and direction.
Learn to say "no" with a reasoning of "why" (and no, you don't have to explain why, just know it).
That's all for today friends, but there is still more to come. :)
As for what was written before... "There are Levels to This"
Link to my world:
**You can find me on Facebook as Isaiah Dunkley (Veaire). I am an artist as well as friendly blogger. Feel free to find me and send messages on your thoughts.
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