To say "you cheated on me", or someone "cheated on" you in a romantic relationship is a dangerous phrase. Specifically because of that word, "cheat".What does it mean to "cheat"?
Was the relationship a game in which two or more people were playing and you lost? Did they take advantage of an unknown loophole that you didn't see? Would you have moved on the same opportunity if they hadn't seen it before you did? Is there a winner at the end of this game?
To accept the term "cheat" and use it on someone or yourself assumes that you as a person, an identity, have no value.
This cannot be further from the truth.
To "cheat on" someone assumes that you do not belong to yourself in your relationship.
This simply isn't true.
When people romantically invest themselves in someone else while they are already in romantic exclusivity with you, they are not "cheating on" you.
They are betraying your "trust". They have transformed your love into a "tray of food" so to speak with which the world can serve themselves.
"Trust" individually belongs to you and that is what you give your partner in exclusivity. In return, they individually give you theirs, and so you now have a double portion of "trust". You do not "give away" trust and then find yourself no longer in possession of it. That is not how relationships work.
It is impossible to "give away" a relationship. You are always in one whether it is with yourself, or with food, or with money, or with your lover, or with children, or with belief, or with your job, or with love, or with friends, or with technology... ad infinitum. You will still be able to "trust" many other things.
You have your own specific relationship with trust, and so does the person you're involved with which means you are representing what "trust" means to you in the way you live your life alongside your partner and so are they.
When someone "cheats" on you, what they really are doing is representing THEIR OWN relationship with "trust" to you. They aren't misrepresenting you as a person, or your trust in them.
We are tempted to take betrayal personal when the core issue is: that person wasn't connected with the idea of "trust" in themselves or in you enough to find themselves by your side when a test came to prove them. That person has betrayed themselves and no one else.
It is understandable to feel hurt or slighted when you've been betrayed because there is a decision you feel you must make, however it is more important to reevaluate what this means for your relationship.
If this person was willing to betray themselves in their relationship with you just to have what they want, how do you continue to walk with them side by side?
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