To admit to yourself that you loved someone without shame, no matter how the end arrived... this ought to be a possibility.
You ought to be able to look back and say that you loved, and not have any shame in it.
You ought to not have any shame because when you show that you love someone beyond the price of what it costs for them to receive your love, without any regard whatsoever for its return, it is without a doubt felt. There is no question.
People who don’t know you will look at you and recognize it.
Everyone knows it. Your soul never denies that kind of love. Your soul radiates that kind of love.
And if you have loved like you never cared about the return, why should you find yourself with regret, or even consider the pain they’ve caused you as though after the fact that would be a reason to take it back? “If only I had known” you might say.
You never said that you would love with a deep, bone piercing, marrow dividing love, if and only if they would treat you respectfully. How could you have possibly measured that kind of offering? How many hands do you think it would take just to support the weight of that kind of love, to carry it?
If your heart had space for love with any amount of compromise, I guarantee you would have been like any other person walking down the street. You would be unnoticed, and this message would be empty.
This is not the case.
You have poured out the ultimate love. You cannot hide anymore. Once you do this, it’s just not possible.
But we live like we can. We try to cover back up the light, the utterly bright and shining light with shame, regret, blame, guilt, fear of it happening again all while wishing we didn’t have to cover it up.
This is a joke and many people should laugh at themselves for this.
You should laugh because you know your heart pants thirstily to open up like it used to, you might wish, “if only there were a person you could pour yourself like a beaker of water out to....” see, you’re ready to do it all again if you had access to the container.
You’ve already proving that you’re unlimited in resource.
You are both the beaker and you are the container. Pour out to yourself. You will never run out of space.
And you will find little by little, your flow will fill over into the containers around you. You don’t notice it at first, but you will notice that the world itself IS the container. And in pouring out into yourself, you will pour out to everyone else. And they will have so much they won’t know what to do with it. And they will try to snuff out the light, the love like you once did, wishing they didn’t have to experience it. But they know it doesn’t work.
If you’re ever wondering if that person out there is still thinking about you... they are.
You have given them the ultimate love. You have asked for nothing when you loved them. And they still left. Or maybe you did.
You left a mark they will never forget. You are the scar they will never heal from, even if they came back to ask you to reclaim that love and make it all go away. Even if they came back, asking for more scars.
You must decide once and for all to let that ultimate love go from where you think it lives, and ask it to come back to you, to realize that what you gave came from you. You were the origin your own shining smile in their reflection. And you let them see that. They saw that too. They envied that. They didn’t have it. They measured and tried to compensate, realizing your love was just too big to calculate.
They were not the reason for your love.
They were not the reason your flower bloomed, you were. You allowed your light, your love, your flower to bloom through you to them.
You reached out to them.
You were the one they were missing.
So call your love back.
Take it back and own the fact that you gave them everything.
Own the fact that you loved them without regret, without compromise, without caution, without pretending, without shame, without fear.
That love is yours. They don’t have it anymore.
You do. It was always yours.
Let your ultimate love be your pride.
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