There Are Levels To This

We're going to play a numbers game with our relationships in this particular post. The world doesn't publicly put a number or a value to the friends we make and have, but this post is going to do something of that sort. 

The idea for this post is to help people question and identify the reasons they have others in their lives, as well as to deliver a nice dose of introspection.

You just... don't have to use numbers or the titles on this post in real life. :)

Before we jump in, keep two things in mind:

1) Growth is the adventure and the key.

2) These levels of perception can only ever go as deep as your belief about relationships and the relationship with yourself will allow. 

If people are liars and cheaters out to get you, you will only get as far with people as that belief allows, which is about as far as your arm reach especially if you're lying to yourself about who you even are.

The Four Tiers of Perception

They are: 

• The Shell,

• The Halo, 

• The Reveal, and 

• The Core. 

Let's start with the first.

I - The Shell: 

This is the most superficial layer of relationships (and of your perception). You'll see this type pretty much everywhere you go. 

When you're riding on the tram in crowded trains and you see hordes of people around you eyeing ads on the wall or that cute person two poles down...

When you go to a library where the walls have an amber finish, timeless books are scattered around, and idle bodies bury themselves into the next page of a book... 

When you go to a store or a restaurant and exchange orders and thank you's...
Getting into a quick banter or discussion of a topic at a college...
Exchanging seductive looks at each other in a flashy, darkly lit lounge, all of this is the happening of a level one interaction or relationship. 

Quite often it is the pulchritude of the other person that is the reason why two people are even talking. 

The ultimate idea of "The Shell" is that there is no foundation. There is no depth to the relationship which means you know near to nothing about the person and what they believe, what they want, and where they intend to go (except what you can assume). They don't ever have to be telling the truth. After all, for all you know you might only ever be looking at "The Shell" of someone's personality. Anything can happen on this level, from absolute danger to sex to marriage if both of you allow it.  

II - The Halo: 

If two people are being particularly decent for some time, the relationship gets to this stage of perception, and this is where exciting things start to happen. One might think that their new friend is the coolest person they've ever met, and will hang out with them very often. Communication is at an all time high, and you both are joining each other at events of various vibes. 

Texting and phone calling may abound. If there is mutual sexual interest, this will persist from The Shell and hang-outs will be happening often. It might seem like you can never get enough of this person and it's true, you can't get enough. It'll be like they are brand new, and so many great experiences will be happening, one after the other. The Halo has a timeline of a few weeks, to a few months, even years, depending on how consistent communication is.

III - The Reveal: 

It's when relationships and your perception get to this level that you realize a person for who they are. The "Halo" effect wears off. Things won't be as pleasant as they used to be. Pleasantries will still exist, but this is highly dependent on how true someone is being with themselves and other people. If someone was around for self-gain, if someone had an objective, if someone wore a mask, if someone was pretending to be someone they were not, all of that breaks down at this level. The Reveal is also where deep feelings start to really mix. People get hurt at this level the most because this is often where the beliefs and realities of each person's lives clash once the other person is able to see it. 

For many reasons, this is why it's important to love yourself, because when relationships and friendships go through The Reveal, it's either crippling or revitalizing. There are attributes that will sustain a relationship once The Reveal happens, and it requires that each person be at least two things if not more: real and true.

If you consider it, it might explain why people don't ever want to get close to one another. They would have to be someone real and actually believe in something worth living for beyond themselves. They would have to stop acting like they aren't there for their own benefit, they would have to stop attempting to stroke their superficial ego in futility. They would have to take off their halo, lay it down and humbly declare: "I am not as well as I appear to be, but as much as I have seen of myself I consider to be beautiful and am willing to share this with you as I grow." It's such a scary thing to do. 

It requires fierce honesty aimed directly at your own self. You can be fiercely honest with others but the ones unwilling to face the truth themselves will fall away from this and might stay as the liars they are. And that's okay.

In spite of this though, people are out here searching for authenticity. Raw, uncultured authenticity. 

Those that don't believe they have it, want to see it and emulate it. They're starving for it.

Usually, people are already being enough of themselves from the beginning that most of us should be able to tell if cooperation, a relationship, or partnership is going to work. People typically ignore the signs when they are fully aware of who someone is, often to achieve their own goals. Ignoring these signs as if they are not there makes it all come crashing dangerously down at The Reveal anyway and has other adverse effects you'd do well to steer clear of. Using people is inadvisable.

Lastly...

IV - The Core:

Even more so, the pleasantries slow down but at this point they bear no weight on the people and their relationship or perception with/of each other. That is because the value received by each person in this party involves simply experiencing the other person as they are. Here at the core is where bonds form, loyalty begins to solidify, honesty and trust create this paste that soothes the heart as the days tumble on...

The heart commits the soul to memory. 

This is the connection that looks like a true brother/sister bond, a true best friend bond, that can occur between anyone, including animals.
We want this, which in short is ... Love.

If two people are being true and loving themselves from day one of the encounter, this unified love is a sure thing. However, people will forever be at different points in their lives, and being true from day one takes time. Which is perfectly fine. You're not supposed to have it all together. Growth is the adventure and the key. If people lived like they understood this about themselves and other people, reaching a core-level relationship would be easier.

On The Other Hand

This 4th level concept highlights the reality of where we place our value when it comes to human relations nowadays. As great as the ideal of the core sounds, quite often many things get in the way of achieving a relationship that reaches this level, things like:

Timing
Clinging to the Past
Sex
Clashing Personal Values
Lack of Forgiveness (or too much to the point of self-disrespect)
Lack of Self-Evaluation (or too much to the point of immobility)
Selfishness
Anger
Lack of Understanding (or too much to the lack of accountability)
Pain and Fear
Lack of Patience (or too much to the point of utter silence)
Lack of Care (or too much to the point of extreme coddling)
Parallel Perspectives...

As time progresses, if a person takes time to reflect on their past decisions it will be possible to tick off each caveat one by one, losing people you don't want to lose as a result of change, embracing new personal horizons, going through shifts and pains you never thought you'd experience for the sake of self-improvement...

Through all of this, if you strive to maintain an open heart while at the same time being a vanguard for your heart, you are able to ensure that you can receive love at its right timing as well as give it, concurrently avoiding being abused, to achieve a core-level bond.

But of course, you will never be able to keep your heart open all the time, and that's okay.
Growth is the adventure and the key.

Remember that these levels correspond to your belief about relationships, which can easily be tied to the relationship with yourself.
If you have faith in humanity, and think that ultimately:
- People really are hurting and just trying to heal (sometimes in terrible, messed up ways)
- They are trying the best they can with what they've got (which might not be much)

You're most likely going to be more understanding and considerate. If you look at yourself, bite the bullet and tell yourself the straight up truth, it will really improve the status of your life as you make small and necessary changes. You'll also have the ability to be sympathetic towards others that are struggling. That is all your choice there though.

All through life, you'll have people in shells and halos coming in and leaving once they reveal themselves. Some will be staying long enough for you both to see each other's cores as they are. You'll be learning who people are and forgetting them, they'll be changing and remaining the same...
But the main thing to remember...
is to Learn, 
Love Yourself,
and Grow.

Growth is the adventure and the key.

Onward and upwards, friends.

The last post before this one was called, "On Loving You", check it out if you haven't!

**You can find me on Facebook as Isaiah Dunkley (Veaire). I am an artist as well as friendly blogger. Feel free to find me and send messages on your thoughts.